I follow pretty many blogs at this point. It all started when my cousins adopted their daughter, Suzanne, from China. She had started a blog about their Journey and I started reading. From her page I found so many blogs about families who have adopted from China. Some have brought home 5, 6, even 7 or 8 children and are awaiting more. Most of them having some kind of special need. There are a few of these blogs, and therefore these families, that I have followed for months. You get kind of attached as you read the emotions of the parents who share their worlds online.
Last week I opened the blog I follow closely and saw terrible news. This family, who recently got the paperwork to help them get closer to the 2 daughters who awaited them in China, had found out one of the children had died.
She had a heart defect, she needed surgery and they were aware of that. They planned on bringing her home and helping her. Fixing her heart, nursing her back to health and making her a part of their family. They had known about this child, Esther, for months. They had named her, they had pictures of her, she was already a part of their family. Now without ever having the chance to hold her,to touch her, she is gone.
As I read this blog and I learn about her grief I realize how similar it is to losing a child that you are carrying inside of you. Much of adoption is like waiting to "have" your baby. You find out who your children will be long before they are actually yours. I can't help but wonder what kind of grief this woman is going through. She has a lost a child, yet the child was not legally hers to lose. I am so glad for her that she keeps this blog that she does. That she has so many people who know and understand the love she has for Esther. The loss she feels. Grief comes in so many forms. Losing a child is something that changes you forever. When you are pregnant and you lose a baby, especially far along, when you know their name and you have an ultrasound picture and you have shared all of your news, people can grieve with you. I can only hope that everyone who surrounds this mother treats her the same way. I know she has received a few things to help her physically remember Esther. This is my way of letting her know I care. I have lost a baby early on, I have lost a baby mid pregnancy, I have had a baby who was born still and I have awaited a child through adoption. With all of these put together I still don't know what she is feeling. But, I keep her in my prayers and I pray she finds strength and Peace.