Saturday, August 31, 2013

35 years

Last night I talked to my mom. This weekend marks 35 years since my brother passed away. She and my dad have lived 34 Labor Day weekends with that feeling. As much as time heals us. As much as things do get better. It is days, weekends, holidays like this that bring it all back. So today I am going to post a link to something I wrote about Mikey a few years ago. If you click on the label "Mikey" everything I have written about him will come up. I never got the chance to meet him. So this is my way of honoring him, remembering him and helping my mom, dad and sister to know he will never be forgotten.

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Grief wars-

How does it come to this
How can you feel 
Like your pain is 
Somehow bigger 
Somehow better
That your pain
Allows you to 
Say things
Do things
React to things
And mine doesn't
Time heals
It does not 
Make things
Go away
Loss is loss
Pain is pain
Do not make 
Excuses for yourself
And expect anything
Different from me
Loss brought us 
Who would have thought
It would help
Tear us apart

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Such a Proud Mommy

This morning this big guy woke up "nervous and happy" for his first day of kindergarten. Anna told him all about it as they shared McDonalds hotcakes. By the time we were ready to go he was "super excited" 
Daddy, Anna and I all walked him to Mrs. Steioff's class together. Wy posed for a few pictures, made a new friend and sat down to play on the carpet. I waved to him and he jumped up and said "hug and a kiss mommy" I gave him a big hug and told him I would be back in a little bit and that he was going to have a super day. He kissed me and said "I know". Then turned around and went back to the carpet and waved goodbye. I was so proud of him and I was a little proud of me. We walked Anna to second grade and got our hugs and kisses and pictures. She was so excited to start second grade. 
Such a big girl. 
Such a big boy. 
Such a proud mommy

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

two big kids....

School starts tomorrow.
 Somehow I have a second grader and a kindergartner already.
 Somehow my babies are grown up kids in elementary school classes.

  I am so excited for them.  So excited for the school year.  They are both in great classes, with amazing teachers in a school that I absolutely love.  But, tonight I am a little sad.  It has been an amazing summer.  We have really gotten to enjoy each other and our time together.  As much as I know they need school and that they will love it.  I will miss them! I am so happy that I can be involved in the school and in the district, which brings me a little closer to them, when they are off and busy. I am looking forward to seeing them grow, meet new friends and learn new things.
 I am so anxious and excited at the same time for Wyatt.  It is a big deal for him. A new school, everyday - away from Mom.  I am so proud of the bond that we have created over the past 3 1/2 years, but it also makes me worry he will be upset when I leave.  I know that he will be fine and be over it soon, but I hate to see the look in his eyes when I am leaving.  He has been left before and I never want him to feel like I am not coming back.  I think once he gets used to the daily routine he will be fine.  Here is to hoping he really surprises me and marches in the room tomorrow and sits happily in his seat.  Either way, I know he is in excellent hands. 
Who knows what this school year will bring.
 I thought for sure that by the time we sent Wy off to Kindergarten we would have another little at home.  That may be a little of the reason why I am feeling sad about the school year starting.  This isn't the first time I have dropped my baby at school and come home to where there should have been another.  This time it is much different, but the emptiness the same.  So I guess I will get my house ready for our home study.  Set up a few visits while the kids are at school.  Clean the house a little better and put the toys in Wy's room back into the bins where they belong.  I will volunteer in their classes and work my PTA butt as hard as I can. I know this year is going to be a good one.
  Before bed tonight as I kissed Anna she asked me if I was excited for her to start school.  I told her I am super excited and I know she is going to have an awesome year.  I know they both are.