There is something you can't begin to explain about the emotions of pregnancy. Any woman who has been pregnant understands these emotions. It is difficult in a "normal" pregnancy.
But, once you have experienced loss it rises to a whole new level. Fear is an awful thing. The only thing I struggle with more is the knowledge of all of the things that could go wrong. Each time we pass a milestone- receive great news- I am so relieved. But each time brings me to the next step - the next thing that scares me.
Feeling this little one move around inside me brings me comfort. Knowing I have a family who is empathetic and a doctor who will let me come in at anytime- anyday (just like I did today) is what helps me take each day by day.
I am so looking forward to January. When I will sit and hold my baby. Watch her breathe and see her smile.
One day at a time I will get there.
We will get there.