Life is so uncertain. I have learned in the past 5 years that no matter what I do, I really have no control. But, I can't help but to try and help fate along. So as I try my best to be patient and wait for a child who is waiting for a family to come along, I search. I didn't give up with Wy, I found him. And although it was a long shot we were matched together and the rest is a happy history. It has been 9 months since we updated our Home study, seems to be perfect timing for things to move along in my mind. This time I have looked, searched, researched, questioned and prayed to no avail.
Then last night I saw a little face. Near the same age as Wyatt was when he was placed with us. She is available for adoption in Ohio- not near us, but at least in our State! So I contacted her worker and I have contacted our worker. I have spent hours trying not to think about it - yeah right. So as our worker is trying her hardest to help us have a chance there are 100 other families trying to do the same. I guess if it is meant to be then it won't matter if there were 1000 families or just ours - because what is meant to be will be, right? I know our home study matches most of what is needed for her = 2 parent family with a stay at home parent- that is us. It is an odd thing when you are waiting to see if you are "good enough" or "the right choice" for a child. I understand the process, but it is a feeling I don't like. I wish I could have that worker come into my house and see my family. See where her room could be and what her backyard would look like. But, hopefully that is all in our home study. I have faith that our workers know us well enough, I just can't help but to wonder ~
So for now as much as I try and not think about it, a little red head girl has taken a huge space in my mind. I figure I haven't known what was going to happen so far, so why try to start now. Here is hoping to open minds and full hearts and praying, praying. praying.