Saturday, March 14, 2015

Working on a new normal...

Hard to believe it has been 9 weeks since Meech left. I would love to say I have received updates on how he is now. That I get pictures and phone calls, but I don't. I have received a few texts and that was all. As time and space separate us from him it seems to get harder. Part of grief is like that. The shock and newness have worn off and we are left to deal with a new normal. A normal where we don't listen to frozen anymore because it makes us sad. We avoid monsters inc and jack skellington. Someday we will like them again, but now it makes us sad. To have this little person with us 24 hours a day for an entire year and then one day he is gone is hard. I miss him. I try not to think about it because the pain is awful, but it creeps up on you. Tonight someone asked if I knew how he was. I told them I am sure he is doing well. I know nana loves him and they are a good family with a lot of support. She then said how he could have had such a good life with us. After hours of wondering why God sent him home, I have come to realize the truth. He would of had a great life with us, but he will have a great life with his family too. It may not be the life we would have given him, but being different doesn't make it any less. I know he is destined for bigger things. His personality and sweet nature will pull him through. I would love it if he were here. If we could hear his voice and see his smile one more time. If things had been different. I hate that the system kept him away from his family for so long. That it failed his Aunt and allowed us to fall so deeply in love. The goal of Foster care is for a child to form attachments. For a child to be loved and cared for. Not every foster child is treated like Meech was. As much as it hurts, as much as I hate to see my kids saddened by him leaving, it is not up to us. I can't change anything. I can only tell my children that he is home with his dad. That nana reads to him everynight. That I am sure they bought him a buzz light year and that he looks at our pictures everyday. That he will always remember them. I tell Anna and wy what they need to hear. In reality I hope he has forgotten us. I hope he doesn't remember anything. I hope he keeps the love in his heart, but erases us from his mind. I would never want him to think that we didn't want him. I was his mommy. I would have never let him go if it were in my control. This is Foster care. This is grief. Praying for Meech tonight. Praying that someday I will get a response and an update from nana. Praying for peace and healing in all of our hearts. 

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