Welcoming Sammi

The past few days have been a whirlwind. Every time I look at my sweet baby I am astonished by her presence. I am overwhelmingly thankful and completely at peace. Even as we left for the hospital early Saturday morning I wasn't convinced we were coming home with a baby. As my labor was very difficult and many issues arose I was further into believing she wasn't going to happen. Each tiny scare- each pain - each moment was like a nightmare. I can't explain it. Luckily our nurses and doctor were simply amazing. We had the same nurse for the first 12 hours. We were her only patient and it felt like she had been sent from God just for us. My previous labor and deliveries were easy. I progressed quickly- pushed and delivered in 30 minutes. This time things did not go that way. After an epidural that didn't really take, two other meds to relax to get it in, blood pressure meds for dropping to 60/35 - 5 redoses of epidural and all of the fluid to boot, you would think I felt good. But, the pain was nothing like I had ever felt before. At 6;00 pm I was ready to push- then the doctor said I had a "lip" of my cervix left and the baby is positioned wrong. So I laid a way to turn her myself and waited. It was not until 3 hours later that it was time. I then pushed for 2 hours and 6 minutes. I was convinced she was never coming out. I had all but given up when the doctor said two more pushed and she's out. I felt every part of the last 1 1/2  hours of pushing- but I did it. When she came out the laid her on my chest. Memories of Connor came flooding back, until she cried. The most amazing sound. She was perfect.

As I had to lay and wait to be poked and prodded Tj was with her.

Once I was ready for her they told us her breathing wasn't where they wanted it to be and she had to stay in her Isolette. After 17 hours - after 9 months- after nearly 6 years of grieving Connor- I needed to hold my baby. It was over an hour later that my dreams came true. I held this amazing miracle.

The kids and our families had waited all night to meet her and came back to see her.

It was after midnight at this point and they didn't stay long. They wore their new shirts 3 days in a row to make sure she saw them though. We were taken to the mom baby unit and so began our stay.

I have had a problem in my recovery-praying for a short fix for this less than 1% of vaginal deliveries occurring issue.  Then we had the little jaundice that kept us at the hospital an extra day.

She had 21 hours of photo therapy and the doctor was happy with the result and we came home yesterday. I can't tell you the feeling I had when the wheelchair was brought to our room. That moment was the worst moment the last time I was in a hospital. Yesterday it was the best- going down the hall with my baby in my arms.

Nothing could ever explain that feeling.

Now we have been home a little over 24 hours. Walking through the front door with her was such a gift. I hadn't let myself ever get to the point of planning on doing that. She has allowed me to love her in my time  and Thankfully I was immediately in love. I do not want to put her down. I cannot even explain how much I love this baby.

A miracle.

She has been a rough one getting into this world, but an amazing baby since entering it. So if you see me and want to hold my baby, just know I may very well never let her go! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers...