Now we have been home a little over 24 hours. Walking through the front door with her was such a gift. I hadn't let myself ever get to the point of planning on doing that. She has allowed me to love her in my time and Thankfully I was immediately in love. I do not want to put her down. I cannot even explain how much I love this baby.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
The past few days have been a whirlwind. Every time I look at my sweet baby I am astonished by her presence. I am overwhelmingly thankful and completely at peace. Even as we left for the hospital early Saturday morning I wasn't convinced we were coming home with a baby. As my labor was very difficult and many issues arose I was further into believing she wasn't going to happen. Each tiny scare- each pain - each moment was like a nightmare. I can't explain it. Luckily our nurses and doctor were simply amazing. We had the same nurse for the first 12 hours. We were her only patient and it felt like she had been sent from God just for us. My previous labor and deliveries were easy. I progressed quickly- pushed and delivered in 30 minutes. This time things did not go that way. After an epidural that didn't really take, two other meds to relax to get it in, blood pressure meds for dropping to 60/35 - 5 redoses of epidural and all of the fluid to boot, you would think I felt good. But, the pain was nothing like I had ever felt before. At 6;00 pm I was ready to push- then the doctor said I had a "lip" of my cervix left and the baby is positioned wrong. So I laid a way to turn her myself and waited. It was not until 3 hours later that it was time. I then pushed for 2 hours and 6 minutes. I was convinced she was never coming out. I had all but given up when the doctor said two more pushed and she's out. I felt every part of the last 1 1/2 hours of pushing- but I did it. When she came out the laid her on my chest. Memories of Connor came flooding back, until she cried. The most amazing sound. She was perfect.