Friday, January 9, 2015

As if he were mine...

It's 3 a.m
Wide awake
As if my body
Knows nothing different
I have been awake at 3 a.m
Every night for a year
Awakened by suddle cries
Walking down the hall
To a little voice 
"Mommy rock for you?"
Sitting in our chair 
Until I was sure 
He was sound asleep
Lying him back in his bed 
Hearing "I love you" 
in the sweetest voice
As I pulled the door closed again
Now I lie here
Wondering if he lies awake
Praying he isn't thinking of me
Because I never want him 
To feel this pain
Praying that he forgets
Praying that he moves on
Praying she is rocking him
I can feel the tears well up
My face burning
As I try to hold it back
But the night brings me back
To the days and weeks
To the months
We spent rocking in that chair
To his sweet snuggle
To my love for him 
As I feel the warmth of my tears
Rolling down my cheeks
The silence of the room
So cruelly reminds me
I know he wasn't mine
I know he is okay
But at 3 a.m. 
As I lie awake
those things don't matter
My arms ache for him
My heart longs for him
Just as if 
He were mine. 

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