Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Baby D

Well in the words of Anna - Holy balls of Fire what a day!
After the past few weeks of letting go of waiting impatiently for a placement, stopping the online searches, not staring at my phone waiting for it to ring...it happened. 
If there was ever a situation where I have actually- literally- physically- figuratively- Let go and Let God ...
this is it.
Because of the cold the kids were off school. Mom , Sis, Corey and Syd came over to play and eat lunch.
Then my phone rang at 12:30. There was a possible placement on a 1 year old little boy. Not a legal risk case - like we were hoping for, but everything else was perfect. For those of you who ever attempt to call me - I never answer my phone! I never hear it. 
So the fact that I had my phone and answered - 
The fact that we trust where God is leading us on this path -
I asked our agency to submit us. 
Luckily after our first call a few months ago Tj and I had discussed this and if the situation was right we would submit before I called him. Minutes can make the difference in these cases. 
So I left him a voicemail and sent him a text. 
I sat with my mom and sister and attempted to eat lunch. 
I texted and talked with a fellow foster and adoptive mom who knows the ropes so well she could write a book on them.
Within an hour the agency called back- the placement was ours! 
I was so shocked, anxious, scared, excited!! I texted poor Tj again- who was still in the same meeting from the first text! What a way to get major life news! 
I told Anna and Wy who were so excited they jumped up and down. They have been waiting of a brother "for like almost their whole lives". A few minutes after my agency call the county called and asked if they could bring him over within the hour. 
 He came in an infant carseat soundly sleeping while we did the paperwork. The worker seems very invested in his case and to genuinely care about him. That is not often the case! There are a few hurdles and a possibility of reunification with a family member. It will be a long hard journey to get to a point where we know what "Baby D's" future is and if we are a part of it. 
For now, the last 6 hours have been amazing. He is sweet and funny- he babbles and walks. He loves to dance and has been super friendly with all of the 20 people we have introduced him to so far! He can throw a ball (or a Lego or bottle;) and he loves to giggle. He is very smart and loves Anna and Wy-almost as much as they love him! 
I am trying to keep my heart guarded. I know we are not in control. I also know that we will love him and treat him like our own and make sure he knows he is loved. I am pretty sure it is impossible not to get attached to a beautiful little face who points to you and calls you "mama"... 
So that was our day today! I snuggled him for about a half hour and laid him in his bed. Knock on wood he is quiet. So I have three babies asleep- 
Every night when I kiss the kids again after they fall asleep I walk down the hall and say in a whisper  -
Good night Emma
Good night Connor
Good night  Anna 
Good night Wy 
And goodnight little boy I don't  know - 

Tonight I stopped myself and I looked in at this sweet boy sleeping - 
Goodnight little boy I do know 
Good night Baby D. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Why I Blog...

I have gotten "in trouble" for sharing too much.

I have offended a few people and made a few angry. 

But, mostly having this blog has been such a positive part of my life. 

It has given me the opportunity to share my story - 

when I wasn't able to sit and talk about it,

when I didn't have the strength to say it,

when I wasn't brave enough to hear it. 

It has allowed me to tell my family how I was feeling- 
without speaking a word. 

It has given me a gift of sharing my babies, 
all 4 of them.

It has provided me with an outlet for my emotions.

I know that those who have known me through all of these life events know our story.

But it is such a gift to have the new people in my life know it as well. 

There are reasons for why I am who I am today.
Most of those reasons are written about in this blog. 

I hope if anything sharing my life can let people know as much as I am willing to "talk" I am also willing to listen. 

We each have our own path paved with problems and fears.

I am happy that being open has led my friends to be able to be open with me in return.

I firmly believe that God places each person we cross paths with there for a reason.

They may change us or we may change them. 

Either way we were meant to be a part of each others lives. 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Welcome Home...

I will not begin to even pretend I know what military families go through.  I have been able to see one of my dearest friends move from place to place and spend countless months away from her husband. A few years ago I wrote this for her as she prepared for his return from one of his 7 deployments.  As he prepares to come home again from a shorter trip to Afghanistan I thought I would share it on my blog.  Thank you to all military families and to our Veteran's and Active Duty service people....

Anxiousness leads to excitement
Happy streams of tears
Two feet on American soil
Relinquish all her fears
Dedicated solely
to her family and her man
Dedicated to his Country
she tries to understand
So much time has passed
now the moment is here
He gets to hug his wife
to hold his child near
Getting to know his daughter
who has changed and grown
He gets to tuck her into bed
like he dreamed while he was gone
He can lay by his Wife
just to watch her sleep
She gets to feel safe
she gets to feel complete
He missed all of these things
but he is here for all to come
A family is now together
Thank You and Welcome Home!

Monday, January 20, 2014

My everlasting memory...

A few days ago I posted about an opportunity I was given to get a piece of jewelry with my babies on it. I took my time and emailed back and forth with the woman, Hallie, who was helping me. Early Saturday I was so surprised when I had a knock at my door from the mailman- the Day after I sent her my pictures! My necklaces were here. They are amazing. One is Emma's hand and footprint and the other a picture of Connor's feet. Each has their name and birthdate engraved on the back.
 I am in love with the beautiful pieces that I can wear proudly around my neck. Such an amazing experience I had with Everlasting memories. So blessed to have a little part of each of my babies to wear near my heart. 

href="http://www.evrmemories.com/">Everlasting Memories</a>
<a href="http://www.evrmemories.com/Photo-Engraved-Jewelry-s/172.htm">Photo Engraved Jewelry</a>

Thursday, January 16, 2014


Every once in awhile sharing your story introduces you to people. There is a woman who found my blog and contacted me. She has a website that makes memorial Jewelry and she asked if she could make me a piece. 
I am so excited to be working with her and just in the small experience I have had with her I can feel the compassion behind her work. 
I was trying to find a few pictures and footprints to send her and what I would like to do for the piece.  I told her something I have rarely ever said out loud- or in writing. I told her that I wanted both of my babies included. That I have pictures of Connor and not of Emma. That I feel guilty that I didn't see Emma and that I don't have pictures of her. That thinking of doing a piece of jewelry for one and not the other made me sad. To think of having a pendant with one of them represented on each side made me nervous- because I wouldn't want one of them to be face down, hidden against my chest. After numerous emails she was so helpful and told me that she would surprise me. This is a gift in itself. Taking the choices out of it for me. 
In my search for pictures I was looking through Connor's scrapbook. Something I rarely look at. I found his footprints and handprints. I needed a picture to send so I pulled the page out so carefully not to smudge them. As I looked at them before I photographed them I couldn't believe how much i had forgotten. The length of his toes and the high arch in his foot.

 I thought about how his foot had been in that spot. His skin had been there. 
I put them away as carefully as I got them out- yet I noticed a spot on my hand. My hand had a little of his footprint on it. Closest thing I have had to touching my son in the past 4 1/2 years. 
These are the little things that make me smile. I went upstairs and showed Tj and the kids. Anna asked how it happened wanting to know the actual process. Wyatt just said - "how did he get that on your hand from his foot when he is in Heaven". I don't know how exactly it happened, but I will take it as a little angel kiss. 

Looking forward to seeing what she has in store for me. Here is the link to her website http://www.evrmemories.com/Photo-Engraved-Jewelry-s/172.htm

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Thank you Martin Luther King jr.

Tonight Anna told me about Martin Luther King jr. She told me about his life- she knew when his birthday was and that he had a wife and 4 kids. She also said how important he was to her. She told me if it wasn't for him standing up we could not have Wyatt. She learned about how he wasn't allowed to be friends with his white friend and how they were treated differently because of the color of their skin. 

This is the first time she has ever come home with such a wealth of information that she was so passionate about. She told me how lucky we are to live how we do. She knew about Rosa Parks too. I am so happy she has a teacher who has taught them this important part of our history. I am so proud that she is smart enough to remember everything she learned and wise enough know why it is important.  Her eyes have been opened and she has found her new hero. Tomorrow we are heading to the library to learn more about him. Such a proud mom here- who has had quite the lesson from my 7 year old's mind and heart....once again