Connor five years later

Five years ago tomorrow 

Connor left this world

As he came into it

Bittersweet 

Peaceful

Blessed 

Each moment with him in my arms 

Was more than I realized 

It could be

Each time his name is spoken 

Brings me back 

I try and remember 

the creases in his legs

The smell of his skin

The length of his toes

For five years I have wondered 

On any given day 

At any given minute

Who he would be ?

How would he look

Blonde hair or brown

Would he have kept his blue eyes

Would he be rough and tumble 

Or a quiet snuggler

Signed up for kindergarten 

Sliding down the tube slide

Learning to ride his bike

Writing his name 

Running wild

Little things that will never be

For this little boy 

That never got the chance 

To be five years old 

Or four

Or three

Or two 

Or one

Our little boy who is loved so much 

Five years tomorrow 

Sometimes it seems like an eternity 

And  

Sometimes it feels like yesterday

So thankful for the gift of our sweet boy

So blessed to have carried him 

So lucky for all he has taught me

So proud to be his mom.