Saturday, April 19, 2014

Coming to terms...

All of the events of this week have set in my mind. I have come to terms with the reality that love and prayers do not always make things happen the way we want them to before, and now I will do so again. 

God has plans for us that we do not understand.

As Easter approaches and I am reminded of the miracles we have been granted and those we feel passed us by, I can't help but feel a little defeated.

Five years ago on Easter Day I prayed for a miracle. What a sign from God that the day after Easter when I went to the hospital Connor would be coming into the world. 
I prayed for a miracle- for his recovery- for the diagnosis to suddenly be wrong. 

But, as was His plan, that didn't happen. 

A few months later when Bug (aka Aidric) was placed with us I prayed this was meant to be- that he was our miracle. But when his medical necessities and diagnosis were more than we as a grieving family could endure he was 
placed with another family.
 In the time we had to make a choice for him it was heart wrenching- I wasn't sure I could heal from the pain- especially so soon after Connor. 
But I did.
He was fine without us, because we were not God's plan for him- we were just a stop along the way to his forever.

These past realities of our lives show me that I can handle whatever comes for Baby D. 

We can handle this. 

His resiliency and endearing personality will bring him love wherever he goes. 
If he is meant to stay with us for 2 more weeks, 2 more months or 2 more years I know his time with us has shown him love. 
We have brought him consistency, helped him trust and introduced him to so many things. 

I am letting myself start to grieve- because letting go of something so precious will require letting ourselves grieve. 

So as the weeks move forward in this journey with Baby D I pray that what is in his true best Interest is granted. Not what is easiest for a case plan or reunifies for the sake of the word and not the well being of the child. I pray the system does not fail him. 
We are so blessed to live in a community and have families who support and love   us. To have friends that love and pray for Baby D.

 I know that wherever he goes God goes with him and I pray that we, as a family, are granted peace and security in knowing he is happy. 

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