Sunday, December 28, 2014

4 weeks to Sammi...

For the past few months I realize I haven't posted much about Sammi. As my belly grows and she moves each day I am of course constantly thinking of her. As time goes on my anxiety for her safety is constant too. I wish I could say I wasn't worried, but until she is here I will be. 
I want her to be safe and healthy in my arms. I know we have passed the hurdles and problems that have taken our babies in the past, but the fear is still so present. 
I am so happy to feel her move and kick and to watch my belly squirm around. These are the moments I know she is okay. It is the moments in between those that bring the fear. 
I have been blessed with a nurse practitioner who has let me come in 20 extra times to hear a heartbeat and has scheduled numerous ultrasounds. These things have helped the time pass with a little less worry. Anna and Wy's excitement and of course Meech and all of the chaos he has with him have been a blessing, bringing distraction away from my fears. As a baby loss mom fear is a thing we have to deal with, a way of life after loss. Having loved and lost there is no way around it.
So as the next 4 weeks pass I pray for this child. As I have for the past 8 months. I pray for her health and her safety. 

I pray she comes sooner rather than later, so I can see this little face in person really soon. 

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