Friday, November 21, 2014

Never again...

Well I can't say I didn't try. Today I attempted to reach out to baby D's aunt. I offered my phone number through the visitation facilitator. I knew it would be a holiday and 2 weeks she wouldn't see him- thinking maybe we could meet up and her kids could see him. 
But, She refused to take it. Does not want us to transport to her home or know where she lives. She views us as the enemy. So all of my effort for an easy transition and any hope of keeping up with his little life are dwindling. 
The facilitator from the visit couldn't believe his aunts reaction, knowing how kind my offer was. Knowing I really care about the baby. 
I am even more jaded than before. At this point with him inevitablely leaving we are letting go- and with those surrounding his case being so blatantly mean and rude it is making the process easier. 
I am ready for this to be over and we will never foster again. Baby D's caseworker is to thank for that. They wonder why they don't have good foster parents- because of the unethical and terrible treatment we receive. Unfortunately I never thought race would play a part, but being white has caused issues with the caseworker and now his family. 
It doesn't matter if you want to help, offer your home and your love. This is all such a horrible situation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Never again- 
Why I will never foster again- 
When you become a foster parent you do it for the children. For the love of helping a child and with the hope you will be together forever. 
Hamilton county sells you on these kids- they plaster their faces on the Internet, pamphlets, Facebook pages, commercials - wherever they can. 
Then you decide to help. 
You choose an agency, have 36 hours of training, umpteen visits for a homestudy- turn your life upside down to help a child. 
You think the private agency will make a difference but in reality they have no more say than you do. 
You sign up for this- yet 
you are treated like the enemy. 
You are treated like the criminal. 
You are treated like the kid on the team who no one is willing to tell the play. 
In the past 10 months as foster parents we have been bullied, intimidated, lied to and put in bad situations. 
We have been sent to the limits of our comfort zone and been played against the birth family. We have been given short notice and no notice yet expected to change everything to accommodate. 
Throughout the last 10 months of this case this child has come into our home- had 24 hour care like he was one of our own. He has formed attachments, learned to talk, learned how to be in a family and become a smart and active toddler.  Yet we have only received negative feedback about trying to have him attach to us and not to his family. We have been to every single visit requested over the past 10 months. We have sent pictures, cards and done our best to have a good relationship when coming into contact with family members at court and at visitation. 
Our family has never been mistreated the way we have been from HCJFS. The Caseworker's attitude towards our family has been a problem since day one. We have done nothing to deserve the treatment we have received. 
There are families I have known who have thought about fostering- I have warned them to never do it. There is no best interest of the child- it is get the caseload of the desk. These kids are a number. 
Everyone knows the system is a mess- but the last thing I thought would be our biggest issue would be the woman who is supposed to protect our foster son. 

So much for my bleeding heart. For trying to save a little piece of the world. It has ended in turmoil and tears for the family I will protect first and foremost. I know we have made a huge impact on his life. But, as his GAL told me today. When it comes to foster care you cannot save a world that doesn't want to be saved. So never again- never again- NEVER AGAIN. 

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