Wednesday, March 12, 2014


I wrote this tonight. kindergarten roundup posts are all over my Facebook feed. As happy and excited I am for so many of these little ones that I care for- it reminds me of Connor. Being pregnant with so many people so close to my due date hasn't really effected me for years- seems that this is one of those times that will sting a bit. Last year I had the gift of distraction and happiness in registering Wy when Emma would have gone- this year I sat at home. I didn't even volunteer because the thought of it hurt. It isn't a jealousy, it isn't being unhappy for my friends- I can't really describe what it is. So I wrote- 
I got it out
And I feel better. 

Such a gift as a parent 
Knowing your child is heading 
In the direction you imagined
Sending them on 
This little path
Just like you planned
Just like you dreamed
Just like you imagined 
But there are the times
When you don't get the chance
When there are no milestones 
When life was met with death
This doesn't change 
What you planned
What you dreamed 
What you imagined 
Except for the simple truth
That it never will be
Those who share their birthyear 
Move on and grow
And although most of the time 
It is good to see them 
And reach these new things
Sometimes it is a reminder 
That you aren't here 
That you won't be able to do
Any of those things 
That I planned
That I dreamed 
That imagined


  1. Beautifully written. Prayers for you as you continue to heal and grow from your experience. You are a wonderful person. Full of love for others!

  2. I feel your pain as well. I suddenly lost my 6 month old son 9 years ago. I also went through the sadness of kindergarden registration and what I had hoped it would have been for Brett. As you stated I was not mad that others were signing their kids up but I felt an emptiness in my own heart. Thank you for sharing because I feel as if I'm not all alone in my feelings. From your blog you are an amazing person. I'm sorry that we both belong to the same club of mothers of precious angels.