Happy Birthday Mikey...

Today my brother, Mikey, would be 37 years old.  I have spent endless hours over the past 30 years thinking about who he would be.  About the relationship we would have.  About whether or not I would be here at all.  I have pondered over his life and his death.  After 35 years it still doesn't make sense.  After 35 years we know it isn't worth trying to make sense of. 
 

 

I have written what I know of Mikey's story before.  The story of his death.  But, today is not about death.  Today is about his life.  Mikey was born on November 19, 1976.  He was a healthy baby boy.  With a sister who liked to make trouble.  To be honest I don't know a whole lot about the little person that he was in the almost 2 years he spent on this Earth.  I have to admit this is mostly because I have made up so many memories that the real ones I have been told have faded.  

 I know that he was happy, that his sister (not me!) once took him and his stroller and ran off in a store.  I know he liked to push his little car and play a game called pass the nuts.  I know he didn't speak much, except to say "quack".  This is one of the reasons I fed Anna's rubber ducky love as a baby and why there is a duck on Emma's headstone. 

 I know that he only celebrated one birthday on Earth and that by his second he had gone to be with the Lord.  I know that he was loved and that he is loved.  That he is missed everyday.  I know that he taught my parents more in his short life about unconditional love and that he has continued to teach me. 

 He has given me the gift of a mother that understood my pain.  Of a father who is a part of my life every day- of grandparents that never miss a moment to spend with their grandkids.  He has given us the gift of being cautious when it comes to illness and in turn saved his nephew. He has given us the gift of treasuring every single moment. Tantrums, Smiles and all. 

Today on his birthday I wish I could bring my Mom and Dad a little peace.  I wish I could take the pain away.  But I know now that with the pain, goes the memories.  One of the double edged swords of grief.  To take away the pain can take away the good as well. So I will pray for peace.  I will offer hugs. I will spend time with them and I will write in his memory.  If I have learned anything from loss over the past 5 years it is that just remembering - simply acknowledging is so important.

Today and everyday I remember Mikey.   

Happy Birthday in Heaven. We love you.


A  little more of Mikey's story can be found here -
http://emmandconnorpoems.blogspot.com/2011/09/labor-day-at-our-house.html?m=0

My "memories" of Mikey can be found here-
http://emmandconnorpoems.blogspot.com/2011/09/in-my-mind.html?m=0