Sunday, October 5, 2014

34 year milestones

I am proud of myself today. 
Early on in this pregnancy I wasn't sure I could shop for this baby. 
The fear of my past realities has scarred me. The thought of having things I can't use (again) is a nightmare- but I am not letting fear overtake my happiness. 
Feeling Sammi move around and seeing her healthy ultrasounds give me the hope I need. Trusting in God and that He has planned her arrival from the very beginning continue to bring me peace. 
Today we registered at Babies R Us. Nine years after the first time we did it. This time Anna held the scanner and we chose things as a family.
It was fun and felt really good to have the great feeling that I will be using the stuff we scanned. 
 Sammi will be getting baths and sleeping in her crib. She will be using bottles and Binkys. I will need burp cloths to clean up baby puke! 
Today was a good day. I have come a long way- the things that may seem like a normal part of pregnancy are never just normal after loss. 
My new normal and 5 1/2 years of healing have lead me to a place I can enjoy my pregnancy. I can enjoy thinking forward and dreaming of the day she is here. 
This pregnancy was a total surprise. God taught us a long time ago we are not in control and life is all in His time. So glad He knew when I would not only be able to handle, but to really appreciate and enjoy pregnancy again.

 I consider today a little milestone in my pregnancy and in my grief. I would pat myself on the back, but Baby kicks beat a pat on the back anyday. 

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