"What has been the most hurtful thing said to you while carrying to term?"
I have to admit I was lucky- I felt support from family and friends. I didn't have anything inappropriate said to me (that I can remember) and most people didn't really mention it.
After I thought about it I realized how the things that were said to me from acquaintances and strangers were the things I have been hearing again in the past few months.
I find it interesting that the things people said to me while carrying to term are the same things they say to me now fostering a baby-
"I could never do that"
"how will you let him go"
"I could never be that strong"
I take these things as hurtful because I question my own strength daily- no one wants to grieve or give a child back (to God or his family) but the reason I carried to term and the reason I foster are similar as well- because of the love of a child.
In a perfect world we would get to spend forever with those we love- but the truth is we don't know how much time we get. I spent 9 months carrying Connor and enjoying every kick and hiccup. I knew my time would come to an end with him- but it didn't make me love him or care for him any differently than I would a perfectly healthy child.
I have used that knowledge to be a foster parent. I feel the same way about baby D. I will love him and care for him for as long as I can. If that means that his time with us ends next month or he stays forever. Either way I will love him - we will love him- with our whole hearts.
There is an old saying
"love like there's no tomorrow"
Growing up in a family where grief was an everyday part of life this is how we loved.
Dealing with the loss of two babies at Birth I learned this again.