Like there's no tomorrow

This morning there was a question posed on one of the Anencephaly groups i follow on facebook. 

"What has been the most hurtful thing said to you while carrying to term?"

I have to admit I was lucky- I felt support from family and friends. I didn't have anything inappropriate said to me (that I can remember) and most people didn't really mention it. 

After I thought about it I realized how the things that were said to me from acquaintances and strangers were the things I have been hearing again in the past few months.

I find it interesting that the things people said to me while carrying to term are the same things they say to me now fostering a baby- 

"I could never do that"

"how will you let him go" 

"I could never be that strong"

 I take these things as hurtful because I question my own strength daily- no one wants to grieve or give a child back (to God or his family) but the reason I carried to term and the reason I foster are similar as well- because of the love of a child.

In a perfect world we would get to spend forever with those we love- but the truth is we don't know how much time we get. I spent 9 months carrying Connor and enjoying every kick and hiccup. I knew my time would come to an end with him- but it didn't make me love him or care for him any differently than I would a perfectly healthy child. 

I have used that knowledge to be a foster parent. I feel the same way about baby D. I will love him and care for him for as long as I can. If that means that his time with us ends next month or he stays forever. Either way I will love him - we will love him- with our whole hearts. 

There is an old saying 

       "love like there's no tomorrow"

Growing up in a family where grief was an everyday part of life this is how we loved. 

Dealing with the loss of two babies at Birth I learned this again. 

We don't know how much time we have with anyone in our lives- 

So we will love like there is no tomorrow and then wake up and be happy to do it all over again .....

Fostering empathy...

Fostering brings such a broad range of emotions.

 I have gone from feeling completely overwhelmed with the bureaucracy to feeling empathy for a young troubled girl all in less than two weeks. 

Sitting in on court and realizing that nothing really happens. 

Attending visits and seeing families.

Knowing full well how blessed we are to have this little man in our lives. 

Knowing full well the "goal" for him is to be reunified with his mother. 

Keeping his best interest at heart. 

Providing him with a childhood everyone deserves. 

I can't help but wonder how different his mom's life would be if she had  been given the same chances. 

Much like I think of Wy's "parallel life" - knowing he is one that got out of the cycle. 

I think that in all of this God had a plan.

 I think He has a plan. 

He knows why Baby D is in our lives. 

I think He sent us to court this week to see firsthand how is mothers life is. 

I think he helped me to see that she too is a hurt child in need of love. 

We may not be able to help her - but my actions and words will never hurt her. 

I will acknowledge her place in his life - she is his mom. 

We were tested last week. 

I was tested. 

We know we are in it for this little child. Praying that above all he stays safe and happy. 

Whether that be forever with us or with his mother. 

This system may be screwed up- but we are not sticking with the system- we are sticking with D.