Sometimes I have to remind myself that he was not born to me. He is ours in every way. He has his daddy's sense of humor, his listening ears (or lack there of!) and the hop in his step. He has my mannerisms, he has my attitude and he has my love of Target. But most of all he has our hearts. He has also lived through things that i will never know. Things I never want to know. Sometimes I have to remind myself that even though he knows love now ...there is a time he may have not. Even after 3 years he feels better with a cup of juice in one hand and a sandwich in the other. He may not want them now, but he knows they are his. Little things like this that remind me that he has a history - 14 months that are mostly undocumented. Did he dress up for Halloween? Did he have his first birthday party? I will never know. The best I can do is make sure that every memory he makes from 3 years ago forward is one to make him feel safe, secure and happy. So I have to remind myself that sometimes when he does something to make his dad and I crazy he is a little boy - a crazy, happy, well adjusted little boy- who has been through hell and back before we found each other. We are so lucky to be a family and to share our lives. He has made Anna a wonderful sister and even more compassionate than she was before. He has changed everyone around him for the better. So those days when I scream his name as I find deodorant "painted" on the walls and apple juice covering my floors, I know that he knows no matter what -he is loved.