Last night I had the privilege of reading a card my mom wrote to Austin's mom for Mother's Day. It was written from one grieving mother to another, about one of the hardest days for moms like us. In it was written that each Mother's Day mom always felt more focused on Mikey than she was on Sis and I, and that she hoped we never felt that. As I look back and I think about it I never felt like the focus was on anything other than Sis and I. I remember always feeling like the center of the world and as if I was loved completely every second.
I know when my mom reflects back on her life she is always worried that I remember her as being sick, but I don't. I know she was. I remember her battling with menaires disease and walking with a cane because her vertigo was so bad, but it never defined her. I remember her going from hospital to hospital and doctor to doctor for test after test trying to figure out what was wrong with her, but I never remember her acting like anything was wrong with her!! Sis and I were still her world. She was happy. She has struggled through the loss of her son, me being a sick infant in the hospital, losing both of her parents at the age of 35, yet everyone who knows her can only describe her as happy, outgoing, sweet and (maybe as the rest of the cox women) a little loud!
I can't imagine having a better childhood than I had. My mom and dad gave me everything I could ever ask for, we may not have had numerous pairs of guess jeans, but we were happy and loved and my parents were always involved in our lives. Dad was my soccer coach and mom the PTA president. They were there for our friends when they needed love and support and for us at every turn. They have donated their time and their talents to everything from dad dressing up like a lady for the mom's soccer game to them cooking a steak dinner for 25 of my closest friends on prom night. I know how lucky I am to have amazing parents and my goal in life is for my kids to grow up feeling the love I felt.
Today it is hard to see Mom feeling how she is. She has been in pain for the past 2 years, dealing with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and then finding out her arthritis has become so severe she needs a double hip replacement - I could really knock the idiot doctor who let this go so long out! She has been trying to figure out how to balance all of this pain with her life of being "Mom"~ Active, happy, always going and helping everyone around her. We are so used to mom being the one to go to, the one to turn to and lean on. Now this Mother's Day as she waits for her doctors appointment (10 days and counting) we pray that she can get into surgery fast and get her new hips - and that this can fix her pain. As many things as mom has been through she has always stayed positive. She has been a pillar of strength and as much as she tries to be now, sometimes the physical pain is too much to be strong. I am trying to learn how to be a support for her, but it is hard! Moms are Mom!!! They can do anything, and they are our everything. Seeing your mom unable to do the things she wants to and in debilitating pain is scary and sad. I am so thankful that she has the attitude and perseverance that she does and I pray that these traits (as well as Dad, Sis and I - and the kids) will help the next 10 days pass by fast and get her into the doctors office and get her surgery date set!!! Get her hips fixed and get her back to best self!! Hoping every Mommy out there can find a little peace and fun in their Mother's Day tomorrow! Praying my Mom can find a little in the day as well. Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there...especially the best mom ever....mine!