Ten Years-

How has it been 10 years?
Some days go by so slowly,
Some years go by so fast.
I sit back and think of the little
“Memories”
I have of you
they have faded.
Ten years of healing.
Ten years of grieving.
Ten years of regret.
Wondering,
if I could have given you more.
You made me who I am today.
You gave me the strength,
I didn’t know I had.
You changed my life forever.
This day 10 years ago,
Changed my life forever.
Changed my life me forever.
When a day supposed to be full
Of joy,
Of excitement and surprise,
Turns into
 the darkest hour,
 of the darkest day,
 from your worst nightmare.
Holding little Anna’s hand that day.
smiling to TJ waiting on news
Of a girl or a boy.
Having the doctor come in,
with the worst words.
 Incompatible with life.
Will not survive.
Hearing a wail fill the air
Of the ultrasound room
Not even recognizing that the cry was mine.
Leaving the office in a daze,
disbelief and pain.
Calling my mom from the parking lot,
 screaming into the phone.
My baby is dying.
It can’t live.
The baby is dying.
Ten years later these moments feel
Like yesterday.
I wish the memories I had
were better than what they are.
Ten years later.
You would be turning 10 years old.
In the 4th grade.
God had other plans for us.
The pain of losing you,
is never far from my mind.
Days like today,
it hits hard.
I love you, Emma Jean.
I hope we have made you proud.
I hope you look down from Heaven,
and see how much you have changed me.
See the person I am because of you.
Your life on Earth may have been short,
But the impact you have made will never end.
So today on “D -Day” a decade later,
I’m going to try my best to smile,
Give a hug,
Enjoy the sunshine,
And be thankful God made you mine.