Thursday, June 26, 2014

Finding Nemo...

When Anna was a toddler we watched Finding  Nemo a few times. We have ridden the ride at Disney world and know the  characters. However, I have never realized until recently how much I connect with this movie. I was Marlin. Somedays I am still Marlin. 
In the beginning of the movie Marlin and his wife move into a new home. They are awaiting their babies and all is right with the world. Marlin is strong and self assured of his future. Then tragedy strikes. He loses his family- he loses his children. From then on he is a different "fish". His fear takes over his life. He tries to protect the child that remains with him and thinks keeping him from things will help to keep him safe. His fear of losing again controls his life- and through it control his child's life. As he loses Nemo and finds him again he also finds himself. He finds that fear doesn't have to control him. He allows himself to live again. This movie is a perfect example of how grief can control you- how fear from grief can take the joy from you. And sometimes you need to let go of your fear to find yourself again. 

There, there, there. It's ok, Daddy's here, daddy's got you. I promise I will never let anything happen to you...Nemo.


Friday, June 20, 2014

Baby D...

I haven't really posted much regarding Baby D's case. Partly because it is so confusing and mostly because we have no answers. Foster care is a long process. Every little thing takes months. It is amazing when you don't see someone for a few weeks and they ask how things are going- will you get to keep him? Loving and caring thoughts- but so far from reality. The truth is I have friends who have had foster placements for 2 1/2 years and still don't have the permanency they want or need. The truth is Baby D could be with us for another week or another year. The same answers I had 5 months ago when he came. He does have a court date coming up next Wednesday and we appreciate all of the prayers he can get. This is the first step in a custody trial. A custody trial where he may go to a place where he was before he was placed with us. It isn't a terrible place (I will tell myself), but the scary thing about custody is the case closes. JFS can wipe their hands clean of dealing with him at all. They are no longer responsible - so they no longer check on him. He is 19 months old and yet this would be his future. How custody is permanency I don't understand. But having a file off of a desk is an answer they like at the county. 
So our biggest prayers are that the magistrate is looking out for him. We know from being in court at the last hearing that she knows his history, his family and she was happy with him having a routine and a stable life in foster care. As much as we don't want to prolong the inevitable, we also want him safe and happy. 

We understand that he may not be with us forever, but we also know how much he is thriving in our home. He knows everyone and everything around him. He is very bonded and happy. He loves Anna and Wy and with school out spends every day with them.
 It pains me to think of how a move will affect him. I know he is young and resilient - I know he won't always remember us- but I also know how happy is 
how smart he is
how he knows when it's bedtime
he knows where the candy stash is
he knows what time Daddy gets home
he knows when we turn on mama and papa's street
he knows his teacher at library school 
he knows all of the Disney movies
he knows all of his signs 
he repeats - daddy, nanny, wy- mommy - over and over until we answer 
he remembers all he has learned here 
So far
So whose to say he won't miss those things if he leaves.

There are so many unknowns in life. We have chosen to love this little man unconditionally for as long as we can. So far he has made it pretty easy. As difficult and obnoxious as his case has been he has been amazing. Funny, smart, ornery and smiley. An excellent sleeper and a crazy toddler in every sense when he is awake. 
So next week or any day you think of him please send an extra prayer up for Baby D. We want what is best for him. A future that will lead him to success and happiness- because even if he is only with us physically for awhile he will be in our hearts forever.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Happy Father's Day

The best Daddy any child could dream of

A fun, kind and happy Daddy who always has time for his kids. 
A Daddy who leads by example and works hard everyday for our family
A daddy who has his little girl wrapped around his finger

And has found a buddy and troublemaking partner in his son.

A Daddy who will always stop to snuggle 
A Daddy who loves completely 

A Daddy who will teach the things he knows and continue to learn from his kids
A Daddy who has whole heartedly helped to Father the fatherless

A Daddy who is a better man than he knew he could be. 
The man who has helped to make my dreams come true
The daddy who continues to make us happy and proud everyday.

Happy Father's Day to the best daddy anyone could ask for