Friday, January 11, 2013

Face of an Angel

Today I had the privilege to be face to face with an angel. Sweet Jonah spent 21 weeks and 5 days in his mommy's belly. He brought joy and hope to a family that has felt loss before. Today his mother and father planned his memorial and his burial. I won't start to try and figure things out. There is no reason no rational way to sort this through in my head. My heart breaks for this family. My mind reels as I smile at his beauty and remember my babies. Knowing the importance of not only acknowledging, but accepting, loving and seeing her baby. Sometimes it is so hard to have hope. Just when you think you have healed enough that you can let your fear go, something happens. A sweet baby boy, perfect in every way, is gone. How can we keep our faith? How can we have hope when we see these things happen? When tears well up in his mothers eyes a she talks about the hope she had for him. The things they were going to do together, because this time it was going to be different. Some days I just don't know how to feel. Today I have felt a tug on my heart. I feel less than hopeful wondering what my future holds, back- to my what ifs. As I stood and held Jonah, so perfectly formed I wonder why. So many questions never answered. So many prayers, so much hope, shattered dreams. Praying for peace. Praying for answers. Praying for the family of sweet Jonah.

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