My sweet girl.
This year is a big one.
Such an important birthday.
Full of sweetness and parties.
Friends and family.
Sixteen.
Sweet.
Sixteen.
Doesn’t feel sweet.
Sixteen candles
Still burning.
Because you never took a breath.
Instead of celebrating.
Like every year
I miss you instead.
My baby girl.
That my body failed.
The one who never had a chance to live.
The girl I longed for and loved.
Every day since I knew you existed.
The girl whose graveside I sat beside.
Every
Single
Day
month after month
Day after day.
I owe you so much.
You have given me empathy.
Taught me perseverance.
Showed me how strong I can be.
Most days I don’t feel so strong.
Days like your birthday.
I feel like a failure.
Moms are supposed to protect.
Help our babies grow strong.
Keep them safe from harm.
You my sweet girl
Never had any of those things.
Of all of the children I have called my own
You are
The one I have always questioned if I failed.
You are
The one I have grieved with regret
You are
The daughter I have longed to hold for so long.
Sixteen years
Without you.
The days have gotten better.
Time has made us heal.
But forever
Without end
We are missing a piece.
A space
You should fill.
I hope they celebrate in Heaven today.
With balloons and cake.
What we wouldn’t give
To have you here.
Our forever baby girl
Happy Sweet 16 Emma Jean
Your loving mama,
Me
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