When he walked in the door he didn’t say anything about it. I asked him how his day was and he said good, we snuggled and he changed his clothes. He ate his Oreos and milk and did his homework. As he worked on a math page he looked up and said Mom, someone was talking about me today. My heart sank. I was imagining the things that someone might have said about him. Imagining how I would respond. Then he told me-
It happened today. For the last 8 years I have prepared myself for this moment. I have thought about what I would say and how I would say it. I have thought about how my words and reactions would have a major impact on him. Someone told other people he was adopted. I asked him if it upset him and he said that it did. He said the kid told him he had a secret about him and then whispered to other kids near them. He said the way he did it made it seem like it was bad. I asked him what he did and he said he told the teacher. I asked him if he said anything else to the boy and he said no.
It happened today. For the last 8 years I have prepared myself for this moment. I have thought about what I would say and how I would say it. I have thought about how my words and reactions would have a major impact on him. Someone told other people he was adopted. I asked him if it upset him and he said that it did. He said the kid told him he had a secret about him and then whispered to other kids near them. He said the way he did it made it seem like it was bad. I asked him what he did and he said he told the teacher. I asked him if he said anything else to the boy and he said no.
I apologized to him first. Told him how sorry I was that someone made him feel like he was less than. I told him I was sorry that someone made him feel like he should be ashamed of something we are so proud of. I told him that I am so sorry that he has to ever feel different, because I understand sometimes being different is hard. I asked him what upset him the most and he said that he didn’t understand how the kid knew he was adopted. I explained to him that sometimes people know because we look different. Sometimes people know because we are proud of Adoption. I explained that some people, like this kid, probably don’t know how amazing adoption is. I then told him what I have been rehearsing in my head for 8 years-The next time anyone makes you feel less than because you are adopted you can look them in they eye and tell them, well my mom and Dad chose me out of all of the little boys in the world, yours got stuck with you.
So, maybe it isn’t the most mature way of dealing with it, but it made my gorgeous brown eyed boy smile. I told him it was the truth. That daddy and I saw his face and knew God meant for him to be ours. That we wanted him more than anything in the world and we are so incredibly happy that he is our baby boy. Someday if it comes up again I may tell him about the 30 other families who wanted to adopt him, but Our Family was chosen. For now I want him to know that we are proud of Adoption being a part of our family. Anna was sitting near us and told him how much she loves adoption and she is sorry he felt so badly today. I told him how proud I was of him for telling me how he felt and that I never want him to not tell me how he feels, in fear of hurting my feelings. There may be times he wishes he were not adopted, not different and that is okay. That I will always be here to listen and to try and help him feel better about the amazing kid he is. I told him that as a mom sometimes I have to learn, just like kids. I have never been in his shoes and although I am proud to be an adoptive parent, I have never been a child who was adopted. I told him that we would work together to figure these things out as they come along. I told him he may be adopted, but he is so much more than that. Adoption is just one part of who he is.
He is a Caito.
He is daddy and mommy’s son, Anna and Sam’s brother. He is an amazing cousin and friend. He is funny and smart and a bad news bear. He is an artist and a rapper and has the kindest soul of any kid I know. He is happy and silly and hates to be alone. He is always hungry and will try any food. He is fast and witty the best snuggler around.
He is Wyatt Thomas Caito-
exactly who and exactly where God meant for him to be.
I am writing this and sharing it because I hope that maybe just one parent can talk to their child about adoption. Not everyone’s family is like ours where it is a “normal” everyday thing. I hadn’t really thought about it before, so I am asking that if you talk to your child about it let them know what a blessing it is. That it is another way that God creates families. That being adopted is something to be proud of, not to whisper about. 