New Year

A new year starts tomorrow. This is the first New year in the past 3 that we won't welcome a new child into our lives. 3 years ago I was pregnant with Emma and still blissfully unaware of her diagnosis, 2 years ago I was carrying Connor and last year we were awaiting Wyatt's finalization. This year I have to admit I am a little saddened by the idea that nothing like this will happen. I think it is made even stronger by the possibility that I will need a hysterectomy in the coming months. I know the pregnancy and I have not had the best relationship. After a miscarriage and 2 babies with fatal defects, you think I would never want to be pregnant again. But, the truth is I love being pregnant. I love carrying a child, feeling them move, experiencing emotions you never imagined could exist. If every woman had a pregnancy like the one I had with Anna I think they would all feel this way! I realize that the likely hood of me ever carrying a healthy child is very small, but at least that little thought is still there. With a hysterectomy there is no chance. No baby, no pregnancy, no chance. Sometimes I feel like I must be a little crazy because I actually think maybe I could carry another child to term, even if they were sick, at least I could feel that love. I know it is silly, but I can't tell you the emotions that come with the idea of not being able to conceive. Not being able to carry a baby. Not being able to give a child life, no matter how brief. It really makes me feel for those who have had trouble getting pregnant, carrying babies and feeling that realm of emotions. But, I guess I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself. Maybe this year my tests will come back normal and the hysterectomy can wait. Maybe something will change T.J.'s mind and we will welcome a new baby someday. For all I know someday in the next 5-10 years they will find a way to stop Anencephaly from happening and I can have a healthy baby. The thing I do like about the new year is the idea that you have no idea what will happen. As much as I may not like it, we also have no control over what will happen. The best we can do is love the ones we have and hold them close. I can look forward to having a big boy and a big girl who will start Kindergarten and preschool next fall and bring me joy everyday. I will be pushed to my limits by tantrums and fights and brought to my knees with hugs and kisses. I guess I really couldn't ask for more...

This time of year

Your stockings

hang empty

your tree

covered with snow

each year I wonder

how much

you would have grown

would you have

liked to see Santa

would you have

screamed and ran

would Emma run crazy

or would she like to hold my hand

would Connor be talking

singing carols all day long

would they like making cookies

would they leave the tree alone

all of these things we cherish

for the ones we hold near

little things I miss for you guys

especially this time of year

Emma and Connor's Snuggle Buddies

Over the past year and a half we have had an incredible outpouring of support for Emma and Connor's Bags of Love. We have been able to help 100's of Foster children with bags, toys and other donations. T.J. and I have even been able to meet a few of the kids and see the appreciation and love they felt from receiving them.

To start the New Year off right, I have another project I need help with. This year we are going to not only continue collecting bags and personal care items for kids in foster care, but we are starting Emma and Connor's Snuggle Buddies. This year my mission is to collect baby blankets, new with the tags on them. These blankets will be taken to Cincinnati Children's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. When we were foster parents to Aidric, we spent a few days in the NICU with him in Columbus. Everything he had came from donations. When we brought him home he had blankets and toys that were sent with him. We were never able to bring Emma or Connor home. If they had lived they may have spent time in the NICU as well, either way I know a soft blanket is a comfort to all children. This is just another way we can help to do good in their names. Emma and Connor's Snuggle Buddies is something that we can do to bring a little comfort and love to each family in this situation. This is a brand new project and I look forward to helping it to become the success that Emma and Connor's Bags of Love has been!! I need a little help from Emma and Connor's Friends to help us along our way though. The next time you are out shopping and you see baby blanket on sale, pick it up and send it over. We will get them all together and drop them off at Children's. I have also received a newborn wish list I will add to the bottom. We will also be collecting these items to send with our blankets. Thank you so much for your support!

Wish List for Infant Population – Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU)

teething rings
rattles, plastic and vinyl only
bibs
Board books
baby theme stickers
12 x1 2 scrap book paper
12 x 12 scrap book albums
4 x 6 picture frames
4 x 6 unfinished wooden frames (these are at Michaels for $1.00)

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or ideas to help us on our way!

Sarah Caito