You are More ...

When he walked in the door he didn’t say anything about it. I asked him how his day was and he said good, we snuggled and he changed his clothes. He ate his Oreos and milk and did his homework. As he worked on a math page he looked up and said Mom, someone was talking about me today. My heart sank. I was imagining the things that someone might have said about him. Imagining how I would respond. Then he told me- 
It happened today. For the last 8 years I have prepared myself for this moment. I have thought about what I would say and how I would say it. I have thought about how my words and reactions would have a major impact on him. Someone told other people he was adopted. I asked him if it upset him and he said that it did. He said the kid told him he had a secret about him and then whispered to other kids near them. He said the way he did it made it seem like it was bad. I asked him what he did and he said he told the teacher. I asked him if he said anything else to the boy and he said no. 

I apologized to him first. Told him how sorry I was that someone made him feel like he was less than. I told him I was sorry that someone made him feel like he should be ashamed of something we are so proud of. I told him that I am so sorry that he has to ever feel different, because I understand sometimes being different is hard. I asked him what upset him the most and he said that he didn’t understand how the kid knew he was adopted. I explained to him that sometimes people know because we look different. Sometimes people know because we are proud of Adoption. I explained that some people, like this kid, probably don’t know how amazing adoption is. I then told him what I have been rehearsing in my head for 8 years-The next time anyone makes you feel less than because you are adopted you can look them in they eye and tell them, well my mom and Dad chose me out of all of the little boys in the world, yours got stuck with you.

So, maybe it isn’t the most mature way of dealing with it, but it made my gorgeous brown eyed boy smile. I told him it was the truth. That daddy and I saw his face and knew God meant for him to be ours. That we wanted him more than anything in the world and we are so incredibly happy that he is our baby boy. Someday if it comes up again I may tell him about the 30 other families who wanted to adopt him, but Our Family was chosen. For now I want him to know that we are proud of Adoption being a part of our family. Anna was sitting near us and told him how much she loves adoption and she is sorry he felt so badly today. I told him how proud I was of him for telling me how he felt and that I never want him to not tell me how he feels, in fear of hurting my feelings. There may be times he wishes he were not adopted, not different and that is okay. That I will always be here to listen and to try and help him feel better about the amazing kid he is. I told him that as a mom sometimes I have to learn, just like kids. I have never been in his shoes and although I am proud to be an adoptive parent, I have never been a child who was adopted. I told him that we would work together to figure these things out as they come along. I told him he may be adopted, but he is so much more than that. Adoption is just one part of who he is. 

He is a Caito.

  He is daddy and mommy’s son, Anna and Sam’s brother. He is an amazing cousin and friend. He is funny and smart and a bad news bear. He is an artist and a rapper and has the kindest soul of any kid I know. He is happy and silly and hates to be alone. He is always hungry and will try any food.  He is fast and witty the best snuggler around. 

He is Wyatt Thomas Caito-

 exactly who and exactly where God meant for him to be.

 I pray he is never made to feel less than because he is adopted again, but for now I know he felt pretty good when he left to ride his bike.  

I am writing this and sharing it because I hope that maybe just one parent can talk to their child about adoption. Not everyone’s family is like ours where it is a “normal” everyday thing. I hadn’t really thought about it before, so I am asking that if you talk to your child about it let them know what a blessing it is. That it is another way that God creates families. That being adopted is something to be proud of, not to whisper about. 

  

Being the best Wy...

As I sat tonight and watched Wyatt breeze through his math homework, ever so often looking at me to smile with pride, it hit me.

I have heard of changes at school and have noticed these things at home, but this is the first time I saw him see the change within himself. As he gazed at me for approval I asked him- "Wy, does life feel a little easier now that you are on medicine?" He smiled and said "yes, it does feel easier". 

It has been 9 days since he started taking a low dose of medicine for ADD. Something I struggled with accepting and seeking medication for. (Please feel free to read my post about this -    http://cincinnati.citymomsblog.com/trial-error-prayer-coming-terms-adhd/ )     Fearing he would lose his sweetness and amazing personality. Fearing he would be a zombie or not himself. But, he is still the same awesome kid he was, just a whole lot more in control of himself. There are times as a parent we aren't sure of how best to help our children. I wasn't sure this was the answer, but seeing him succeed with such pride helps me know it is more than a step in the right direction. So thankful for his amazing team of teachers at school who love him and take such good care of him. For being honest and open and communicating their concerns and their praises. Thankful for my friends and their honesty about their own children's struggles. For the advice and listening ears. They say it takes a village to raise a child, so happy to be a part of the village we live in! 

Six years later

I was looking at the calendar and thinking back to the days Wy came home.  I realized that the dates and days match up exactly this year as in 2009. Wy came on an extended visit this day six years ago- Friday, November, 20, 2009. He went back for one night to his foster home and then came home for good on Monday the 23.

  Kind of surreal to think back on this day. I remember it vividly. The fear of the unknown, the happiness, the ten thousand questions going through my mind. Thinking of this little child who had no clue who we were or what we were doing with him. He was 18 months old. He was a baby. We were strangers to him. 

I think of how flawless he meshed into our family. How readily Anna accepted and loved him.

How open our family was to loving someone they had never met. He literally walked through the door and his life completely started over. He didn't have a choice in the matter, he didn't fuss or cry, he just started living. God had His hand in all of these things 

Sometimes I don't give Wy the benefit of the doubt enough.

I don't like to think about his past before us, because it was not a good place. I look at him now and I see this amazingly sweet kid who is so eager to please.

This funny, happy and always ornery boy. This silly and sensitive kid who has a thousand questions and so much to say.

 I sometimes forget where he has come from. I forget how far he has come. From the moment we met him making us smile and always keeping us on our toes. He has empathy deep within him and a sensitivity beyond his years. 

I see this when I see him with his baby sister. I can feel the love he has for her.

The way he tends to her and makes her smile. I pray that at some point he had that as a baby. I pray that someone held him when I wasn't there to. The truth is, he probably didn't. There are many things he didn't get in his first 14 months of life, most of which we will never know. But, I do know that every time he asks to snuggle- I will snuggle. If it makes him feel better to be in our bed to fall asleep, he will come in our bed.

If there are questions he has or answers he needs, I will try to help find them. As he gets older I will do all I can to help him make good choices. To know that no matter what he is a good boy and he is always loved.

That sometimes (well many times;) we yell and he will get in trouble, but that doesn't change how much we love him. We are just trying to help him to be the best Wy he can be. 

Six years ago today we brought this little boy into our home for the first time. Virtual strangers to a toddler who had known nothing but loss and change. We brought him into a home with hugs and kisses and an open pantry door. With apple juice and snuggling. Blankets and stuffed animals. Things he had never really known before. 

When you look back at where he has come from, the little man he has become today is an absolute miracle . Sometimes I forget that he wasn't always mine. Days like today are the perfect reminder of where his life has brought him and what an incredible little person he is now. 

Mama's got to brag on Super Wy ...

I have to brag a bit;) look at this face- 

This is a face filled with pride! He is confident and happy and so incredibly proud of himself. This was his prize for 20 consecutive days of good behavior. 20 days on "green" in a row- 1 yellow and you started over. He did it! 

I am so blessed to be his mom everyday, but days like this deserve special recognition. 

Those who know Wy know his struggles. He has worked so hard to learn to read and he never gives up. He has struggled in school from the beginning and now happily he has all of the pieces in place to get the help he needs to be his best self. 

Sure, he still needs reminders (and more reminders), he still gets in trouble, but he is working hard on being the best little man he can be. So much of this stems from his "team" this year at school. 

I sent a letter to his teacher and intervention aide last week. I thought I would share it here because not only am I proud of Wy, but he is so proud of himself. 

Sometimes you just gotta brag a little;) 

"Tina and Caitlyn,

I am typing this out and sending it to you instead of an email, because I feel you deserve more than an email! I know neither of you knew Wyatt before August. I know that even though I shared his background and a little of who he is, it can only paint a small picture of the amazing little man he is today. 

This past year has been a very big struggle for Wy. He came into second grade after having a very difficult year with many personal struggles. He was in a place where he never wanted to be alone. He struggled going to sleep and was always worried about what was next. He was acting out and I wasn't sure what I could do to help make his life better, because the things that were stressing him were out of my control. Meechie's leaving still plays a daily part in his life, bubba (our dog) being gone is a struggle as well and Anna's hospital stay still bothers him. All of the changes last year have loomed over him and weighed heavy on his mind. 

In the past month I have noticed there is a huge difference in him. I am absolutely certain it is because of the two of you. 

Wyatt is no longer focused on what is next or what could go wrong. He is no longer worried. He comes home each day happy and smiling. He sings and whistles all of the time. When I ask him if he is happy he doesn't hesitate to say yes. He is confident. He is proud of himself. He is sure of his place in your classroom. He tells me everyday how much he loves school. 

For the first time, in the 6 years he has been with us, he goes to his room and plays by himself. He is not afraid to be alone. He is happy to do his own thing. I believe his confidence and attitude are a direct reflection of the two of you. 

I am always trying to help make life a little easier for Wy. I know that God placed him with the two of you knowing what care, love and concern you would give him. This is just a little "thank you" to you from his mom. Letting you know that how you treat your students makes their life so much better! Thank you for helping to instill the confidence and self worth that my buddy needed, when he needed it most!! 

Lots of love and admiration,

Sarah Caito "

             Wy and Mrs. "Miscalea"

Snuggle conversation

Tonight Wy and I were snuggling in my bed before bedtime. We had read his book and talked about what he wants for lunch. I thought he was starting to drift off to sleep when he asked me a question. 

Mom, how did I get home when I was a baby?

I was caught off guard at the question and not sure about what answer he was looking for. I asked him what he meant and he said like we brought Sammi home. I told him that his belly mommy took him home with her and took care of him. He then asked if if he could meet her again. I gave an honest answer that I am not sure where she is now. I told him  that God knew he belonged with us and his belly mommy helped make that happen. 

He asked about Mrs. Moore, his foster mom, and said did she adopt me? I told him no, only his forever family adopted him. He talked about when we came to get him and how he was looking out the window with pup pup and how we went to skyline for our first meal together. About getting his first sippy cup of juice and if he went to the pantry. The stories I have told him many times. He talked about wanting to go see his foster home again.  I told him I would be happy to take him back there soon. He has been once since he left and we still keep in touch with his foster family. He asked me how I found him. How far away he was from us.  He asked if he had brothers. I responded yes, foster brothers, but I can't remember their names. The thing he said next struck me- it is the first time he has ever said anything about his time before us. 

He said when he lived there he played with a dump truck in the wash room. This is a word I have never used. That no one  I can think of uses, so I wonder if this is a memory. Is this something he has always remembered or did it just come back? 

I promised him I will always answer everything I can for him and explain everything as best as I know. I told him for the ten thousandth time how much I loved him and how thankful I am that God brought him to us.

 He then went on taking about eating lunch in the classroom and how much fun he would have tomorrow. 

I am so thankful that he asks these questions and that we have told him the parts of his story that are good for him to know. The truth is his life and his story started long before our paths crossed. The insightful and sensitive little boy he has become began long before he called me mommy. I pray that I can continue to help him find answers and discover all of who he is. That we can continue to tell him stories of him as a baby. One snuggle conversation at a time... 

We became forever

It is hard to believe that tomorrow will be 5 years since Wyatt was officially a Caito. 

Since this 2 year old little boy became a permanent part of our family. 

None of us can even remember life before he was a part of it. He came into our lives and he has kept us on our toes and smiling since we met him. He is old enough now to understand adoption. He understands 

He knows that Caito means forever. That he is with us forever and that we will love him no matter what forever and for always. 

As I look back on this day 5 years ago it is surreal. The seamless series of events that brought Wy into our lives were one of the strongest feelings of God's presence in our lives I have ever felt. 

Every moment since this day has been met with a thankful heart, because we know how lucky we are to have each other. As he grows and learns about himself, his heritage and who he wants to become I pray we can help him find the answers he needs. 

For now he is so proud of his "dark tan" skin and his curly hair. He loves to look at his baby pictures and understands that his belly mommy carried him and that is where his beautiful eyes came from. He doesn't question his physical differences, he embraces them.

In the past 5 years he has made some amazing strides. He has tested our patience and filled our hearts. He can make us laugh and make anyone feel better when they are hurt or sad. 

He has the biggest heart and we call him the baby whisperer because Sam is enamoured by him. He sings to her, reads to her and just talking to her cams her down.

He still sneaks into our bed because he doesn't like to be alone.

He can drive his sister crazy at times, but mostly is one of her closest friends. He will do anything to spend time with her and always goes out of his way to make her happy.  I tell him he will make an excellent husband someday:) 

This year he is ready for his gotcha day- he has been reminding me for weeks and we had to get a cookie pie to share with his friends. Tonight as we snuggled in bed he told me he thinks dad should get him pancakes with candles like we do for birthdays because this is kind of like a birthday.

It is the day he became forever- I said that is almost perfect, except it is the day that WE became forever. 

forever. 

Super Wy is 7

It's hard to believe Wy turned 7 on Saturday. It seems like yesterday that he was the big eyed baby toddling through our house. Now he is big and strong and a beautiful little boy inside and out.

He has grown up so much this year. Not only in size, but as a person. He is smart and funny, outgoing and ornery. He is the first to offer his help and always proud of his accomplishments. He is the best brother any girl could ask for. He is patient with Anna and will do anything to make her happy. This includes playing "american dolls" and crazy 8's to her heart's content.

He is amazing with Sam. He holds her, wipes her spit, smiles and talks to her.

He never hesitates to console her when she cries or help me when I ask. He really loves his sisters and you can see that they feel the same way about him. 

It has been a hard year for Wy with a lot of changes. He started school all day, Meechie came and then left, Sammi was born and then Anna was in the hospital. He has tried his hardest to cope with each of these things and we have tried our best to help him.

We are still learning how to be the best mom and dad we can be for him. He makes us better people. 

He has really enjoyed first grade and is doing wonderful now that he has the help he needs.

His support team is looking out for him and making sure he succeeds. He loves Art class and recess and has made a lot of new friends. At home he loves to laugh and play, drink apple juice and to "read" his bible.

He asks about Heaven and Emma and Connor often. He loves to talk! He always tells you "what's in his head" and he will ask 100 questions from our house to school always starting with "what If I was...".  He knows lyrics to all of his favorite songs and can sing Eric Church with daddy.

He likes Star Wars and metal cars the best. He still doesn't like to be alone and will always make an effort to be near someone.

He is such a compassionate kid. We are so very blessed to be his mom and dad. Looking forward to seeing who this guy grows up to be.

 Happy birthday best buddy- we love you super wy. 

Belly Mommy-

I know you think of him

his gorgeous eyes

his soft skin

the smell of him

I know you remember 

how he felt in your arms

the weight of his body

the warmth of his touch

You carried him for 9 months

you gave your body up

you chose his life

You were not selfish 

When it came to him

With every bad choice 

You may have made

I will always see the good 

I do not know you

I have never met you

But I remain forever 

Grateful 

You brought him into this world

You gave him life

I know you are thinking of him 

So I pray for you

Wherever you might be

I pray for peace

I pray you always know

That he is loved 

That he is cherished 

That he is home

I know your heart aches 

As you relive the moments

Waiting for him to arrive 

I know you think of him daily 

And especially on his birthday

I pray you know 

That he is safe 

That he is happy 

That he is right where he belongs

And that you have blessed us

Beyond compare

Brown eyes blue eyes

Brown eyes

Beautiful, deep and loving

Caramel skin 

Smooth and soft

Dark brown hair

Curly and coarse

Every little thing

Is perfect 

Each freckle

Each eyelash

Each crooked Little tooth

The gap 

In his smile 

The bass 

Of his voice 

All parts of 

who he is 

All parts of 

Where he came from

All parts of 

Who he came from

When he asks 

Who he looks like

Whose eyes he has

Why his eyes

Aren't blue 

My heart breaks

The answers are not easy

As his mom 

I am always learning

Always looking 

for answers

for reasons

Making sure

To be honest

To protect him

Perfectly made 

Amazing boy

With brown eyes 

And caramel skin 

And a heart of gold 

Gotcha Day Surprise

It's Something pretty amazing when a plan comes together. With the help of a few talented friends and me asking for help in a blog post a few weeks ago 

http://emmandconnorpoems.blogspot.com/2014/11/mommy-needs-favor.html?m=---one of Wy's little dreams came true. 

Today is the 5 year anniversary of when Wy came home for forever- the day he counts as "gotcha day". He took Kit kats to share with his friends at school and came home to find a package on the front porch with his name on it. I had to videotape him receiving it because I knew how happy he would be. 

http://youtu.be/8HE97lb0BgA

This blanket is something he has talked about since we found his baby picture a few years ago. 

It is something that can connect him to his past. He hasn't put it down since he opened it. 

Thanks to all of those who tried to help find the fabric and especially to Abbie Clark Robison of Clark Graphic Design, LLC for coming up with the design and pointing me to Fabric on Demand to have it made. 

And to "Beffes" aka Beth Goettke for making the fabric into the perfect blanket. 

Five years later still his happiest with a sippy cup of apple juice in one hand, a peanut butter sandwich in the other and now his baby blanket to snuggle with. Happy Gotcha day Super Wy. 

Mommy needs a favor...

This month marks 5 years that Wyatt has been home with us. This is the first year that he really grasped the idea of adoption. He has asked more questions and gotten more honest answers than ever before. The thought of baby D going back to family has brought many fears and ideas he has never dealt with before. As hard as it has been it has also been a wonderful opportunity to explain that adoption is forever.

Last night at skyline we were talking to the waiter about Baby D. He asked if he was adopted to which we answered no- he is in foster care. Wyatt sat straight up and proudly announced "I am adopted". This is the first time I have ever heard him declare this to someone. He has always known, but never been able to express his fears or his pride about it before now. He has asked about his foster home, his belly mommy and many more questions. 

Me being pregnant with Sammi has brought forth a lot of questions as well. He knows I carried him in my heart, but seeing me carry Sammi in my belly makes that more real. 

There are very few things we know about his past. I know when he came to us he did not have anything special - like a blanket or stuffed animal. Apparently when he came into care he had a stuffed bear his foster mom threw away because of it's filth. This makes my heart hurt- wishing he had something small to tie him to his past. We gave him a stuffed puppy the day we met him and he snuggles that and his blanket "kiki" from grandma to this day, but he often asks about before we knew him and what he snuggled. 

So finally- on to the point of this post. A few years ago I was able to get Wy's hospital pictures. He looks at himself every night and talks about how cute he was and how he loved his blanket when he was a baby. I have searched for this fabric and have never found it. I imagine it was made by the hospital (UC) volunteers and given to his mother. 

For all of you crafters who frequent fabric stores could you please keep an eye for anything resembling this pattern? I can't think of a better way to celebrate 5 years of being a forever family than to find a little piece of his past.

Thanks so much ....

update-- http://emmandconnorpoems.blogspot.com/2014/11/gotcha-day-suprise.html

Six years ago...

Tonight 6 years ago there was a woman heading to a hospital.

 After spending months incarcerated while pregnant, she had been out for a few months and on her own in her pregnancy.  

I imagine she was scared. I imagine she wasn't sure what would happen. 

Having lost her other 4 children to the foster care system I imagine that fear was merited. 

This woman had demons. 

She had fought with herself and struggled through life. 

I want to believe that she had different plans for the child she was carrying when she walked through the doors of the hospital that night. 

I choose to believe that she wanted what was best for this child. 

As this little bundle of joy came Into the world 6 years ago tomorrow I know he changed this woman.

 As she struggled with her demons and addictions over the following months she loved him enough to sign her rights over and make him eligible for adoption. 

That is where we come in.

 That is where God stepped in and brought us together. 

We are the blessed parents who get To raise this amazing little man. This sweet and sassy (yes boys can be sassy) wonderful little boy. 

In so many ways our rainbow boy- who turned our world upside down in such a great way. He is funny, sweet, happy and still keeps me on my toes. He is wise beyond his years and is doing a wonderful job learning in kindergarten too. He is an amazing brother and a wonderful friend. He is compassionate and loves with his whole heart. He still chooses apple juice over anything else and loves to snuggle. 

Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself where he has been- 

where he has come from-

where he could be. 

There is no doubt in my mind that God was watching over him through the scary parts of his life that he has survived and that He continues to watch over him now.

 Our Super Wy will be 6 years old when he wakes up... 

Happy birthday to our best buddy.