Sam’s journey update! A special Graduation

 As I sat in my car overlooking the windows to ABC Pediatric therapy I was overcome with emotion. Six months ago we walked through the doors with our frail, sickly daughter who feared everything.

When Sam started OT in January she couldn’t function. After a month of low grade fevers, leg pain and exhaustion she started with new symptoms.  

 . She was paralyzed with fear, unable to eat, unable to walk or move freely. She had lost the ability to run, jump and walk normally. Terrified of stores, restaurants and strangers. She lacked the ability to walk up stairs and would freeze with fear attempting to go down them. She couldn’t sleep alone and seldom was able to be alone at all.

 She struggled with touch and noises. She lost her balance easily and was unsteady. She was a shell of herself And spent most of her time in one single spot on the couch. 

Occupational Therapy was recommended by her therapist who saw what she was dealing with was much more than anxiety.  Meeting her OT , Sarah, changed so much for our family. As an Occupational Therapist her goal was to help Sam retrain her brain and muscles, while allowing her to play. For our family she gave us hope, searched for answers and always made things the best they could be for Sam. 

In the beginning of this journey they worked on sensory skills, moving past fears and using her body. For a few weeks she brought her stuffed animals and mom. For a few months mom went back and eventually she went back on her own. She worked on her balance, her muscles, her tactile sensory skills.

When we started Sam couldn’t sit on the floor. For weeks Sarah helped her gain the confidence to sit on the floor and get up using games and toys. She never rushed her, never made her uncomfortable and always was a positive light in such a terrible situation. 

For Four months Sam came twice a week and then the last few months once a week. January through June working hard to get back. 

OT has become a safe space for Sam throughout all of the trials the last year. Even with getting better and then getting much worse again, therapy was something she looked forward to weekly. With multiple specialists visits at the hospital and never finding an actual diagnosis, Sarah has always been proactive and helped explain the parts of OT and how it would help Sam. When we found Sam had very high inflammation markers, swollen knees  and needed Naproxen to help her Sarah was supportive and continued to keep Sam moving forward. 

Sam has come happily and confidently each step of the way.  It has been so rewarding watching the changes and successes she has accomplished. It has means more than I could ever explain.

Occupational Therapy was the service that Sam went to ABC Pediatric Therapy for, but she got so much more than that. She found herself again. She trusted a stranger when she didn’t even trust herself. She formed a relationship that I have promised her we won’t let go.

 

Today she walked into her once a week OT for the last time. 

She and I both can’t help but to be a little sad. This place has become a second home to Sam and she absolutely loves all of the therapists she has come into contact with each week. She has gone from her lowest low to now her highest high with the help of Sarah. There have been multiple doctors, specialists, medications and therapists involved in her journey but, Sarah has made her feel heard. She has been a safe space, her happy place and a part of her life that created a positive spot even on her hardest days. 

As a mom, I will be forever grateful for having someone listen to me. When I was scared and things were so unknown, she listened. She researched and searched for answers. We worked together to help Sam the best we could. 

37 therapy appointments. 

Now today is Graduation.

The end of a chapter we never imagined would be part of our lives. 

Sam may come back for sessions this fall to help her through changes or God forbid setbacks. 

Regardless we know Sarah is stuck with us forever. So grateful for this therapy office right down the street that we never really noticed before. 

Life is tough, but this girl is tougher. 

So proud of our girl and all that she has battled through and accomplished. 

She is back. 

She is running, jumping, swimming and 100% her sassafras self. 

 

Outgoing, friendly, full of energy and a complete goofball. We are so incredibly thankful everyday to have our Sam back. For awhile we were scared we would never see her again and count our blessings every single day. 

She has bloodwork, ultrasound, eye appointments and her Rheumatology appointment coming up as well as an appointment at Linder center with a doctor who acknowledges PANS and PANDAS tomorrow. Please keep the prayers coming. 

Newborn pics

I have to admit throughout my pregnancy I thought about Sammi's newborn pictures a lot. I thought about the poses, the backdrops and the amazing things Tricia would do. This was one of those little glimmers of hope I let myself have. I pinned about a hundred pictures I liked and sent a few to her so she knew what I had in mind. Fast forward to a few weeks ago in Tricia's studio- she worked her magic! I knew Going in how well she knows us and she would know what we wanted and she did. Seeing the pictures a week later was everything I imagined it to be!

I am in love with the memories of this time she has caught for us.

I made and sent my announcements and hoping most people have received them I am sharing a few of my favorites. 

This is my absolute favorite picture.

The headband was made for Sammi by Tricia. She is wearing my necklace. This is St. Gerard- the patron saint of expectant mothers. I was given this gift by my mother in law and I prayed with this necklace for my unborn baby everyday. It has such an important meaning to me which makes this picture even more special. The blanket behind her was made by a dear friend, Kelly, (who I didn't even know had this talent!) for a baby gift. Such a beautiful blanket made for an incredible background. Sammi's looking at me in this picture and I love the  look in her eyes- I love everything about this picture. 

All of the pictures turned out better than I could have hoped for.

So thankful for Tricia, Get the picture photography and mostly for the amazing family God has given us

and the opportunity to capture these moments. 

1 week

A year ago tonight was the third night Meech spent with us. A week ago tonight  I was in the middle of a long two hours of pushing. Tonight I am sitting watching Golden Girls while watching my perfect baby girl sleep. If I have learned anything in the past 8 years it is that life is all about perspective. 

As I reflect on the past 7 days so many things have been made clearer. I often said when going through losing Meech that I knew God had a plan, I just wish I knew what it was. Now I feel like I can see a little more of the plan he had made for me. The timing of Meech's arrival in our family and the timing of him leaving are not by chance. I believe God sent him to me, for me and for Sammi. I honestly don't know how I would have been able to make it through my pregnancy without the 24 hour happy distraction he brought. He kept me busy. His case kept me distracted. He kept our entire family in a place of happy chaos. The timing of him leaving was no less a coincidence than the time he was here. Nineteen days before Sammi came. I am not sure I would have ever had the strength to make her nursery if I hadn't had the sadness of losing him. Needing his room to change made me want to do her room. We had time to grieve for him and let ourselves heal before Sammi came, but not enough time to be without a baby for long. 

Last Saturday when we left for the hospital it pained me to let TJ put the carseat in. I didn't even want to bring it to the hospital. I wasn't convinced I was leaving with a baby. After the trauma of labor and delivery, my recovery and My fears there was nothing more rewarding than bringing her home. When we walked through the door TJ even commented on how amazing it was to walk through the door with her- to bring her home. We know what a gift this is because the last two times we had babies we walked through those doors empty handed. Broken hearted. I will admit I am more nervous this time than I was as a first time mom. Not fearful of caring for a newborn, but for all of the scary things in life. But, fear is something that comes with loss. I am also grateful and so happy for each little smile and yawn.

Each time she cries and each time she stretches. It's hard to believe that it has only been a week because we feel like we have been loving her forever.

Anna and Wyatt are amazingly helpful and love her so much. She is what we needed. The feeling I had that our family wasn't complete- that feeling that led us back to foster care. The feeling that brought Meech into our life. That incomplete feeling is gone. I knew that we were not meant to be a family of 4. I just didn't know what God had in store for us. All along it was Sammi who was meant to be the final member of our family. Our amazing 5 kids- 2 in Heaven, 1 amazing little boy, and our 2 miracle daughters.

God may not always show us where we are headed, but makes it worth the ride if we keep the faith.